This is a question I wrestle with often. I, like many others, have this fabricated image of an old man with a big white beard and flowing white robes ingrained in my head. But that’s not what I mean.
My perception of God’s image is not the who I wrestle with.
Who? That question always leads me to “What?”s. “Who is God?” leads me to questions like What is God’s relationship to me? What is my relationship to God? What will God do for me? What should I do for God?
Last night at St. Benedict’s Table, a song was sung with a very powerful image painted through it’s lyrics. The chorus repeated the line
I am coming for you.
I am coming for you.
You will see me in this town someday.
These lyrics paint a powerful image; a “who” of God being one who is desperate to get to us, desperate to find us, desperate for us. These lyrics invoke in me images of God fighting through obstacles; everything of the world trying to hold Him back.
But they won’t stop Him. No. These lyrics show me God as someone who is not going to give up. He will let nothing get in the way of His relationship with us.
I have many “Who”s of God swirling around in my head, but this “Who” painted by the song is one of my favorites. I am so desperate to be in relationship with Him, but I’m human. I have flaws. I sin. I stumble. I fail. I give up. I lose sight of what’s important. But I try. I try my hardest. To think that God is as desperate to be in a relationship with me as I am with Him is extremely comforting. It is encouraging. It is strengthening. It is a shield, a defense. It is joyous.
I don’t think it’s bad that I struggle with who I think God is. I think it’s healthy. I think it’s what helps me grow in my faith. I hope to struggle with Him in years to come. I hope to struggle with my faith. And in doing so, I hope that my faith will become an integral part of my being. I hope that through my struggles, who God is becomes a central part to who I am. And I hope that if who God is can become an part of who I am, I can help to show others who God is, and what God’s love is like. That’s all I really want in the end, to experience and share God’s love, his passion, his devotion to us, with others.